Good evening, um this is your inner captain speaking— welcome onboard Lidl; big on quality, Lidl on price! Today… you are going to buy groceries that you need and some that you don’t need. The weather outside is a lovely 6 degrees with chilly winds, road surface is wet and you will experience a stress elevation rise of ah… about 15 meters. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts and get ready to handle heavy turbulent decision making today with ehh… rough periods of tiredness and impulsive purchases.
Today, taking care of you and your overthinking— would be our delicious cabin crew: frozen meals, ready to eat meals, and shelves full of Christmas chocolates and snacks. They speak over 6 languages to your heart and stomach; and would be happy to help you on this journey.
Ahh I would like to add— in case of an unlikely panic attack, remember that this Lidl comes equipped with 1 emergency exit that you know of. Make sure to avoid as many people as possible and escape the situation. Note— that the exit may be behind you.
Ding ding Eh uhmm good afternoon customer, you are now cruising— with too many items in your hands at an airspeed of about 3 footsteps per second towards the cash registers. The time is 5:26 pm. The sky is already pitch black, with winds that you dressed too light for. If the weather cooperates, you should make it back home without frozen hands. I’ll talk to you again… before we reach our destination. Until then, keep moving— make sure to not drop anything.
Ding ding This— is your captain again… uhm you are currently fifth in line for checkout and are expected to be out of the store in approximately 10 minutes time depending on your efficiency. We ask that you please get ready to handle the groceries that will be launched at you at an airspeed of 40 km per hour. We also ask that you avoid eye contact with the long line of people standing in the queue. They are definitely not… waiting for you to hurry. After shoving everything like a madman in your bag, pay as fast as possible and exit immediately.
Ding ding Warm Greetings, we welcome you— home. The local time is 6:03 pm. For your safety and the safety of those around you, please relax now and keep your mind clear of any regret, stress, or overthinking until your next visit. Thank you for traveling with us and enjoy your stay.